But I thought…
I’ve heard explanations to insanity start out with these key words– but I thought. They are usually followed by, “… the person or situation would be different.”
You see something for what it is, close your eyes, and think your way into your wishes. When these fail to offer the outcome you envisioned, you say in a small, lost voice, “but I thought it would be different.” Yup. Been there.
Something happens the first time you read a situation and decide to go along with it anyway. A trade takes place where you sign the document called whatever happens, happens, and you ignore the fine print that states that whatever will happen.
Blind hope transfers your power so that your job now is to watch the unveiling of your aspirations. Then comes the dismay, disbelief, hurt, and confusion, when you watch what you wanted materialize in the form of a sick joke called,
but I thought.
No more thoughts!
If all the signs from heaven to earth are beseeching you to address an issue, obey. If not, at least be frank with yourself and admit that you enjoy the drama, pain and unworthiness you receive in return for investing in what isn’t working.
Go on, admit it.
You don’t think you deserve better, and if you do, you don’t really know what better is or what it looks like. You’re used to what you’re getting, and this now is as good as it gets.
For every foot long of pain, you get a few scattered centimetres that make the person or situation worth it.
Here’s what I think.
Something happened that “broke” you to think that you deserve less than what feels good and challenges you to be your best.
You became set in this way, much the same way a broken bone that isn’t professionally healed will change the limb’s shape, movement, and performance.
So once upon a time, someone or something let you down in a deeply horrible way that etched, sketched, and furrowed tunnels into your psyche. In order to move on you had to stop caring about that part of you. And you’ve hobbled around just fine.
Why now? The older we get, the more versed we become with the consequences of our choices.
“But I thought” are consequences for actions that were not well thought out or aligned to our life vision.
So here’s what I recommend:
Take a week (or two or three) off all electronic communication, sit quietly by yourself, and let your heart tell you the things its felt and had to live with all your life.
Your first few days will be brutal. You’ll probably succeed for a full five minutes before your mind strays to other topics and your fingers itch for the remote.
And here’s the hard part – you’re going to keep at it anyway. Do this for several days until your mental discipline grows stronger and you can sit quiet longer.
Sit and remember who you are, the real you under all the bad decisions and negative outcomes.
Sit and remember the goals and dreams you had for yourself before X popped up into your life, or Y happened, and Z was lost.
God-given dreams and desires don’t die and a flame always burns inside.
The moment you decide to actively engage in your life, that flame gets fanned. You’re now in a better place to expect what you accept by what you allow.
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