Who Do You Mirror? A Case For Selective Friendship

Think of the first people to come to mind, what they did with their lives three to five years ago, and what they’re currently doing. Any major differences? How about their talk. Same boasts or problems? What about you? Any changes to your person in the last five years?

What you’ve probably considered are key or major changes–usually pretty evident. One could have become richer, healthier, more focused, and another may have sunk a little deeper in mental illness, addiction or a toxic lifestyle. You know what’s scary? The quiet effects of those around you, years and decades after the fact–the things we don’t consider.

If you hang around emotionally damaged, stunted or weak individuals, you acquire a finely-tuned guilt complex that’ll make it impossible to celebrate hard-won victories. In time, you may forget what it took to get to where you are.

Leeches are happy only as long as you are unable to fix your problems. Your various attempts, resolutions, and commitments provide your audience with a judgement scale, so that with each failed attempt you begin to see what you’re not, as opposed to who you are.

Closed individuals are afraid of change, and are threatened by what you want to, or even do. They interpret change as a personal attack, and because they’re ruled by ego, kick into high gear defense mechanisms that include ignoring/down-playing your positive changes. After a while, self-doubt seizes your heart.

Selfish people are unable to see who you’ve become, because it serves their purpose to live in the past. They will use your good nature to feed their starved emotional needs, and push you aside like a buffet choice once you become a threat, that is, a liability. Rejection becomes acceptable in a world where it shouldn’t.

Loyalty is rarely practiced with prudence, so that we mistakenly accept and keep people whose purposes long ceased in our lives. Worse yet, we allow blood relatives to trample over our spirits because we feel obligated to accept the treatment. Someone once told me she was told, “we’re family, what are you going to do?” Her response? It’s family. What to do.

It’s hard to walk, and impossible to run with shackles on the feet. This is the unfortunate side-effect of maintaining relationships with emotionally needy people. Where each individual’s DNA demands that we leave our unique footprint on the earth, the cuffs restrain us from effectively completing our God-given mission at birth.

There’s a disconnect experienced with loved ones where angst and chaos troubles the heart, as opposed to feelings of well-wishes, courage, and triumph. Do the people you’ve thought about make you feel this way–like a loved creature of God who can conquer the world?

When you’re ready to let go of leeches, the devil will use guilt to trip you. Understand as with any kind of process, you must be weaned, and rehabilitated. Struggle through, but don’t give up. Your world will only seem lonely, because you have traded madness for solace, found in solitude. This is essential to your growth. Consider this period rehab, and laugh and cry your way out of the shackles.

You were born to fly, and made to swim. God knows this, and it’s time you do too. Take the chance on yourself, and drop the people who kill your dreams. You’ll be amazed at the calibre of people you attract into your life. More of what you need, so you may continue to give.

Who Do You Mirror? A Case For Selective Friendship

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