Sometime last year, I received a one liner email from someone I know:
Are you saved or something?
I smiled to myself, amused because I wasn’t surprised at the inquiry. NecessaryChats does reveal a lot about my leanings, coupled with the things that I say and do on different social media.
I got ready to hit reply and type in a, “it would appear so, wouldn’t it,” when I stopped dead in my tracks. Wait. I’m Roman Catholic. Can I be saved? What is that…anyway…being saved.
I turned this word around in my head, wondering at its significance in my life. What did I know about being saved. What were my childhood and adulthood experiences with people trying to get me to be saved. What was it about the word that made me feel apprehensive, slightly defensive.What was my response to my friend’s question?
My moment of hesitancy was entirely based on what I thought I would respond with. I felt like I couldn’t pretend not to know what happened to me, but struggled with the can of worms my acknowledgment would bring.
Well, what would you suppose you are if not saved, I asked myself. This thought greatly delighted me. I listened to the voice in my head.
“You did not go to church and turn over your life to Christ. He did not find you in church, even though you went there your whole life. He found you at the bottom of a psychological sewer, didn’t He. You did not even know how much you needed Him until He came for you.
You are slightly confused as to whether you are saved or not, because your story is not what you’ve traditionally experienced in others. You feel a little more like Saul turned Paul, don’t you. One day you were living your life and the next you were talking and writing a new one.”
Still listening with wonder and awe I thought…well…isn’t it true that:
“Christ came for you in your sewer spot, washed the stink and filth off you and covered you with His blood.
Christ took your disgraced name and gave you the title of Daughter, while He restored you to your rightful place as part of His flock, and reconnected you with your Father.
Christ revealed Himself to you supernaturally, and everything that has happened since then has been absolutely nothing of you, and everything of Him.”
Steeped in my pride and self-importance, I wasn’t searching for Him when He came right smack in the middle of my day. I didn’t know just how much trouble my soul was in until He came, therefore I could not have ever possibly saved myself.
I am filled with a Spirit that cannot help but give God praise each day. I did not know just how empty my spirit was until it was filled and overflowing, so I could not have known to fill it up for myself.
My life is transforming right before my eyes, and it is all starting from inside. I had no idea how beautiful my life was and all that is in it, so I could not have sustained myself.
I am filled with this deepening need to spread the Love that is shown to me, and give the Hope that restored me, and all that really has nothing to do with me.
Yes. Yes I am saved, I responded to the email.
I was removed from my previous life and given a new one. I was rescued from my dying body and placed into my new home. I was airlifted and placed far from the crash site that would have been my life. I was in fact saved. For His own reasons, and still beyond my wildest comprehension, Christ chose to reveal Himself to me.
It is only for this reason that I am where I stand today. Everyday I experience the painful limitations of my imperfect human nature, and the abhorrence of recurring or lingering sins. I could never have brought myself to this place where I desire incomparable Spiritual wealth over that which the world sells as wealth.
All that I am and ever hope to be, is transforming into someone special that I barely recognize as me. When I think of my life before I sadly shake my head. I was so lost, trying to find and then make my own way, I had no idea that I was in fact headed straight to hell.
Why the sadness with the head shake? Only because I think back to how many things and times I placed the blame on God, each thing leading me farther and farther away. My view of experiences so tragically flawed, it amazed me to think how long the devil had me deceived. How could I have ever imagined that my super-inflated pride and ego could keep, let alone save me?
Are you listening to the Shepherd’s call? How many times have you experienced the same comment, line, sentence, thought or dream, and why would something in you be resistant to accepting this Gift?