How humane of me to have hopes and dreams, wishes deep in my heart. How human of me to give up once I start to see these dreams crumble right before my eyes. My reality says what it says to me, my dreams state another. Who can I trust in directing my life to reach its full potential?
What is my full potential, or what I believe this to be? Is it as simple as wanting what I want, and going for it? Is it making sure that my plans are good, that they come from a good place, that they have the best intentions and outcomes in my mind? How am I to know what is born of me, and what belongs to you, Lord?
The difficulty is in understanding that this is my life, that I only have one to live and breathe by, that I want to make my life a success story, according to me. This would be governed by what I determine to be worthy and good, and yet is inherently flawed by virtue of being human first.
So I chose my God. What does this mean for me? I am told to seek first your Kingdom, and that all the desires of my heart will come to pass. I am yet to understand what these desires are supposed to be. A human quality is the ability to change or insist on what it is that I determine to be important or relevant in my life. A godly nature is the ability to let go in all situations and let you Lord, do what it is that you do best. This is hard, but not impossible.
It is my pride that I have to let go off. That silk covering that I wore as my outer garment, I must lay down. I am not in a position to know what is born of God and what belongs to my heart, let alone, what you have put in there Lord. I am like a new born babe every day in your presence. What I thought I knew, I did not know.
So this difficulty, passing over my life to you and stating unequivocally that you are Lord and Master over it, is difficult. Nothing that has not been felt or addressed by fellow brothers and sisters, nonetheless, something that is experienced on a daily basis, with that which I want, and that which you determine for me. Those are two different things you see.
What am I interested in doing? Can I fight my God? Can I get Him to see things my way, or can I trust that that which created all that is seen and unseen, has my best interests at heart. It is hard but not impossible to allow that which formed me, to determine me. It is a battle of the Wills, and of Pride, however, wherever you are Lord, all bow down in your presence…
And there goes my pride. Whatever you determine for me, and my life and its dreams, trumps anything that I may want for myself. Not because I do not feel these things or have my desires, but because I bow before Supreme Knowledge of my life and its desires. You know best. You have only ever asked for me to let go and let God. You have only ever knocked on my door and asked me to let you in, fully in, to do what you do best.
So I am listening, and I have stepped back. May your Supreme Will, above mine, be accomplished in my life. You have your way of doing things, and they have nothing to do with mine, which you understand only too well. So having failed throughout my life at doing things my way, I move and bend for your will to be made manifest in my life.
Should be interesting 🙂