January 18 2012
It is my birthday today. My year starts on the day and month of my birth, it helps that it happens to be January.
As part of my ritual, I thank God for keeping me alive, giving me another chance, to do what it is that He determined for me. I treat myself to something nice (an e-reader this year), like an expensive coffee or a meal to go. I usually do this for myself, but for my birthday, I take the money that I have earned, through the job that God gave me, and do something by me for me.
I have a large body of family and friends, and I am always amazed that they remember my birthday, especially when I cannot say definitively that I remember all of theirs. Somehow God reminds me. I am grateful for my life and all that is in it.
Each year I review my life and ask myself if I were to die today, if there are things within my control that I would have liked to see, accomplish or try. I then set out to shorten this list. I am a Capricorn, and I believe it is in our signs to always aspire for something.
I am always dreaming and aspiring for something. My imagination is amazing. It is huge. I am convinced that all things are possible, because they have been done before. There is nothing in our hearts that we determine to do, or accomplish that cannot be done, no matter the circumstance we find ourselves in.
Whereas it can be said that I have an iron will, I am also human. Everyday, like my brothers and sisters out there, I mentally struggle with my dreams, goals and plans, and my reality. I am understanding more and more why God asks us to keep our eyes on Him, and not on our situations, because our realities can be quite deceiving.
God is the author of time. Only He knows what will happen to whom, when and why. We try to understand our situations when we shouldn’t. Not because we are not allowed, but because we do not have the full and final picture. We could be working hard toward a personal goal, and all we see and know is that it is not panning out, it is not coming to fruition. What we fail to see and understand, is how God is working within our lives, totally, to bring everything together.
I may have goals and plans, and I may have laid them at my Lord’s feet, for the simple reason, that only He can get me to my personal moons. I cannot do this, for I am in the reality. I think of it as a race course driver and his co-driver, the one who lets the driver know when to make the turn, what the conditions ahead are, what obstacle is ahead. The driver can only concentrate on one task, and that is to successfully navigate the vehicle at incredible speeds to the final destination, and come out a winner.
That is what I believe my relationship with Christ to be. He is my navigator, the only one I can listen to and trust to get me to my final destination a winner. Only He can direct my ways, tell me what to do, where to go, what to think and believe. He is not man that He should deceive me. He is not man that He should have any other interests at heart, other than my personal and complete fulfilment.
As with my brothers and sisters out there, I know that there are things expected of me. They are well meant. It is expected that I find a job congruent to my education, get married and raise a family. It is expected that I prosper financially, and acquire material goods. These are well meant, for this is what society teaches us from the moment we are of school going age.
I am blessed that I do have an education, an amazing job, and in a position to financially prosper. These are things that I can control. I am however, unable to control the family acquisition that loving and well meaning people expect of me. Not that I am not interested in these things, but that I will not choose my life partner, or the life I gain from this thereafter. I am waiting on my Lord to hand pick him for me.
Only God can do this for me you see. He knows me so well, He knows what will work with me and what will not. What I did not know, was that I was also being prepared, so that at the moment that my hand picked fortune lands at my feet, I will be in the best position to receive and prosper in it.
I have tried this before, to acquire things by my own means and understanding. God loves me so much, that He has always granted me the desires of my heart. Every single one of them. Do you know what I did with most of what He gave me, after I attempted to gain it my own way? I did not fully utilize the opportunities, I squandered the relationships, and I determined what each thing that was given to me would be, not accepting it in its totality, and accepting that God brings all things together for my good.
So as with growing older, I am growing wiser. I am laying all my plans, hopes and dreams, at my King’s feet. Only He can give them to me. Only He can prepare them for me. Only He knows what is good for me and when. Only He understands all too well, not only my current circumstances, but the whole picture, the totality of all that He has created. How can I ever hope to compete with that? How can I determine how I will reach the moon, when that which created the moon, is asking me to believe in Him to get me there?
Do I love myself enough to trust that the same God that created and kept me, for His reasons, has a purpose for me. Can I trust that His plan is infinitely much greater than anything that I could ever envision or attempt for myself? I believe I can. Not because of blind faith, but because every single day, no matter what happens to me, God reminds me that He is there, that I can lean on His promises, and to keep my eyes on Him.
So this year is going to be a great year, as all the previous years have been. In all misfortune, hurt, pain, pleasure and glory, my life is a great story, because it belongs to me. It is an amazing story, because I am still here. It is fashioned against the greatest love story, which is that it doesn’t matter what I ever say or do, my God loves me limitlessly, and unconditionally. He has and will never give up on me. He will never leave me. He will always guide me, He will always bless me, and those whom He blesses, no man can curse.
I am a miracle, for I am able to think like this, regardless of what is taking place in my life. With every step that I walk toward my purpose and destiny, God shows me more of myself, and how wonderful His creation that is Me is. I am blown away. I am humbled and exalted. I have super natural faith because of a super natural God.
The desires and wishes that He placed in my heart, He did so that He could bring them to fruition. In them, I will live my potential, and in Him, experience the fullness of this one life that He has freely and lovingly given to me. I cannot lose. I chose my God, and in chasing Him, He gives to me all the treasures that He stored up for me when He fashioned me in my mother’s womb, and said, here begins, the life of my child Julia Katsivo. You are my pleasure, my work of art. I love you eternally. You are my instrument, and I will be your voice.
So I’m listening.