Musings on Love & Children

Interesting how childhood experiences play out into adulthood.
Interesting how some things never grow.
Like how we deal with people and situations that do not mould into our own.

We punish people for not thinking like we do, or expect them to, by being cold,
cutting off contact, withholding affection, threatening to take something away.
As though by bullying them into being complicit, their yes, regardless, will make
everything okay.

We punish people by not thinking about the words that we say, like our anger,
confusion, hurt, makes the words that we say okay.
As though by not respecting them, their silence, regardless, means consent.

We punish people by not caring about what we do, when we walk away,
let them go, push them away.
As though by shutting them out, their eviction, regardless, means they left.

Maybe this worked with our guardians, and how they treated us as kids.
Do this or else. Say this or else. If you dont, I wish you could, Why wont you.
Maybe this worked for their guardians and them when they were kids.
Maybe this worked because we all were kids. We were children, what else were we expected to do? When the ones we looked up to, made the decisions they did, said the things that they did,
What were we, as children, expected to do? Especially because we knew, that they did and said what they did, because they loved us. So much, that punishing us, hurt them more than it did us. That they in fact, were punishing themselves.

So we carried these behaviours forward. Express them in everyday language. We bully subordinates into carrying out tasks, we withhold from our spouses, we threaten our children. We do all these things because this is all we know to do. This is what worked, for it worked on us. Why wouldn’t it… we were children listening to adults. We are now adults, listening to those superior to us. We are but consequences, of our lives’ events. How else did we learn, but what was applied to us.

So is it strange… to want to combat a difficult situation with unrelenting love. Not the love that withholds, threatens, departs, but that gives, submits and stays. It is strange, for it is not normal, to respond to difficult situations with love, the kind that is patient and kind, the kind that is not jealous or envious, the king that is not boastful or proud. The one that does not rejoice in evil. It is strange, and somehow not called love. It is called not understanding the situation.

What is there to understand but this:
When we withhold, threaten and depart, we take away, hinder and stagnate.
When we are cold, unforgiving, ruthless with words, we kill, with tongues that are swords.

When we say, that people are too sensitive, need to toughen up…. we are setting them up, to be defensive, against people like us. For we are the ones who withhold, threaten and depart. We call it love. We are proud to be who we are, for we believe that we are tough. We give ourselves names such as practical, realistic and kind. Kind in preventing people from falling into traps. Traps that we create. When we withhold, threaten and depart. Traps that we enforce, when we open our mouths. Traps that we cement, with the sideway glances of disdain, the ugly curl of the mouth, the quiet hardening of the heart.

There are no monsters out there. There are only people like us.

Musings on Love & Children

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