I am beginning to understand that there is nothing in my life that I can do that my God does not know about. Before me, He is. This means more than simply knowing that there is an All powerful and Almighty God, it means recognizing this and what it means for me.
It means that what I do, or ever hope to do, is known to Him before me. He knows the reasons for my thoughts, whereas I am only aware of my thoughts. He knows the full consequences of my actions, when I am only thinking of the action. He knows what I will fail to do, long before I convince myself that it is okay not to follow through. He knows what I will successfully accomplish, and where my shortfalls are. He knows all this, better than I could ever understand it, because He made me, human.
Not just that He made me human, but that He made me, a human. That is what I am. No more and no less, and all I share with my fellow brothers and sisters, is my humanity. That is my only responsibility, is to accept that I am human, and thus, fatally flawed. I cannot hope to redeem myself, I cannot know all things, I cannot even know enough, for this is fashioned by what I experience as I go along. I cannot hope to always be right, to always be wrong, to fight and win every battle, to resist every temptation. My battles here in this lifetime are hard and troubling enough, without me trying to save my soul. This I cannot do.
Ironically, any insistence in faith in myself, is the one sure way to push away the only thing which can save me, God’s Grace. It is by God’s Grace Alone, in which I am redeemed, healed, made whole. It is by faith in Jesus Christ that I receive this Grace. That is all I am required to do, is believe that Jesus Christ died for me, and that through Him, I am redeemed. With Him, I am freed. This means, that I am Cleared, to walk in a path that will bring Glory to God in this lifetime, and save me for the next. It still does not mean that I can keep my salvation or save others. It fully means, that I recognize that I cannot save myself, or look out for any of my steps, for I am indeed human.
This means that I need to be humble, for there is nothing I am doing to change my life, He is. There is nothing good I brought into my life, He did. I do not have power over death or life, He does. I am only human and will fall into every conceivable trap to self-defeat if I try and look at every one of my steps, trying to make sure that I do good, that I am careful, that I do not fall. That is not my job. My job is to understand that all of us, including me, fall short of God’s Glory, and therefore are in no position to judge or shatter each other’s hopes, dreams or lives. We are all equal because we are all human.
I am beginning to understand that there is nothing that I can do to save, or clean myself up before my Lord. Just and completely as I am, He accepted me. It is my only responsibility to accept others, as Christ has accepted me, and let Him do, what He Will, thus His perfect work, in an imperfect me.