I am sure that I have heard this said before and up until the other day, determined that I was fully immersed in the acquisition of knowledge. I read anything and everything, happy that the internet exists. I have always been an avid reader from childhood, caught in class penning short stories or hiding novels behind propped up text books. I was fortunate to have a few short stories published in the Sunday newspaper, children’s section, when I was ten years old. Such things get forgotten until moments like these when I wonder when and where and how I got this love of all things written. I loved to write essays in school and University, garnered my marks from them effortlessly. I accomplish what I need to say in “one take”. I have never quite learned the art of writing several drafts and re-writes, and have always been confident that what I write in that one take, will suffice. It has. So here I am twitting, facebooking and blogging away and whereas most times I wonder why and most times do know why, I have decided to write this down too.
Like a lot of people, I was brought up in the Christian faith. I was faithful, up until my late teens when the world around me seemed dark and gloomy, and there was too much pain and suffering for a God to truly exist. Not to mention He seemed to have selective hearing in my world of “ask and ye shall receive” for where was the job I prayed so hard for, or the teenage love success story amongst others. I played tango with my belief systems on morality and religion, considering myself a Christian, however, I did not lie that I was a “practicing” Christian. I was that gal who crossed her chest and breathed all the prayers I could muster when in deep fear and hollered in jubilation praising God when things worked well. The in between was a mostly silent relationship between my God and I. I acknowledged His existence, however figured that as long as I believed and did good I was good.
Jump a couple hundred years and I made the conscious yet extremely humbling decision to go “all in” with my faith. This time I knew that if I was not serious about my faith, that I would not really get to where I wanted to go with my life. I was doing great by all means, for the most part everything I set out to do or “called” happened. I confidently plowed through my life, however, I was increasingly feeling a disconnect. I started to feel more and more like a spectator, saying and doing the “right” things to “pass” when I could also actively hear my brain and heart scream obscenities at me for choking us to death with mundane, pointless living. I was having fun but I was not fooling myself, something was lacking Big time in my life, and I was not happy losing the easy going part of me.
So I make this decision to go all in with my God and my Goodness… amazing things immediately started to happen. Unlike ever before, I started to see, think and feel things that were lying dormant in me from a long time ago. If you can imagine the wheels of an archaic, monstrous in size, well oiled machine start to turn and parts start to click in, that was me.
My experience each day is amazing. I am having the time of my life learning, growing and sharing. I started to drop old and bad habits effortlessly and continue to do so with undesirable character traits. I do not need to pretend, things are just happening to me. I reconciled my personal feelings of the Church and God and go to church on Sundays on my own accord. I find pleasure in reading the Bible every day when I can and I am so excited that it is available everywhere, so much so that one doesn’t know what I am doing on my phone or computer if I cannot physically open one. I am having amazing conversations with people I never thought of this way and they with me.
I have things to accomplish for I was born to be great and so this is where my writing comes in. I have always felt a deep disconnect reading on great peoples’ lives, in that I identified with them all up to a certain point. What I came to realize, is that with me, it was not enough to read their biographies and lifelong quotes, for I looked Up to them and not At them.
I was unable to really appreciate these individuals as human for their super human accomplishments rendered my “impossible” dreams small AND impossible. I was inspired by their stories, but still did not have a working map to follow for me. Ultimately, these were people who inspired me but did not provide a human teaching on their superhuman achievements that worked for me.
So my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through His Word imparted to me the value and requirement to Share. He teaches me things every day that I spew on my twitter and facebook accounts, things that I go through or are immediately about to go through. He reminds me to write on my blog and even though I exercise my free will in the form of an excuse, still uses His brilliant ways to remind me to write, to share.
I speak candidly to those around me however, it is heavily tainted by the fact that I deeply love these individuals. This does nothing for anyone outside my immediate circle. While this is fine and dandy, in my world it is not. My personality plus the Gifts that God gives, allows me to courageously speak to whomever, wherever, whenever.
Let’s face it…of all the things to blog about, I am writing on things that open me up to a lot of ridicule, sarcasm, ill will and judgment. Whereas one would like to think that it is our closest circles that defend and build us and our goals, the truth is, one is bound to receive more respect from a stranger. If I were blogging about current, political or socioeconomic affairs amongst others, I would have received a more appreciative response.
Instead, I talk of God, of uncovering our fears, or being bold enough to look within ourselves and understand that the only thing that stops us from being as great as we want to and were created to be, is us. Not only do I talk of this, but I am The example, I am the one who has said, okay Lord, you said that if I have faith I can walk on water, and that if I faithfully follow you, you will reward me beyond my wildest imagination, as I become the greatest person that I possibly can be. Well then, here I am, you know my heart, you know my mind, you know me for you created me. Tell me what to do.
Faith, obedience and sacrifice is what I am to do. Learn and share is what I am to do. Fight for my happiness in complete faith is what I am to do. Do me and what I was born to do. Document my life, the changes, the reasons, and everything else I am given and told so that when the Lord rewards my faithfulness, I may be the working map for a non believer out there, that was just like me.
So I bow my head and say, “thank you, you have given me Life and I have been applying for all the wrong jobs in my life when truly the greatest job was always here waiting for me”. He gives me the tools to succeed. The perks are all around me. This is my journey, I write in one take, I cannot go back and delete or replace any writings that embarrass me. I am only human, but in Christ, nothing is impossible for me.