If you are ready, really ready, then prepare yourself for an amazing journey. This essay looks into the idea of “Letting Go” to create the realities we have always envisioned. It does not defend this state of being, rather, offers a glimpse into the room of the door that the reader has already started to open. You have started to open this door, because among other things, you keep reading the posts on this blog. If you are finally there, at the door, then this piece is for you.
You are ready because suddenly, mental and physical excuses do not work to explain your world any more. You are tired of hearing yourself complain about the same thing, over and over again, to the same and/or different audience. You are physically tired of hearing yourself, and tired of facing the same problem/situation. You are wondering whether this is really it, questioning your existence and your mundane function in life that long ceased to make sense. You are not suicidal, but you honestly would not mind if this was your last day. There is nothing of impact or importance that you feel you give to, or receive from the world, and you are simply a spectator in your own race. Your existence is defined by the role that you play in other people’s lives: daughter, son, sister, brother, friend, spouse, mother, father and employee. All these roles have specific times and places where they function and in absence of any given role, you are just not sure what you are. This is because you know that you are doing what you have to or need to do, and rarely what you want to do. What you want to do becomes defined by what you do when you have some time to yourself, to make yourself feel good. These things however either have to be bought or acquired. You enjoy the company of friends and a cold drink after a long day, or when you feel low or stressed. These vices serve to fix the problem for the day. Have you noticed what is written on the bottles of over-the-counter pain medications? “Provides temporary relief”. That is what these measures utilized to recharge our batteries do; they provide temporary relief until the next day, week, and month. Well, you recognize this and suddenly it is not enough anymore. You refuse to believe that the world is as bleak and terrible as the people around you say it is, because there is this insistent thing inside you that keeps telling you different. When you are doing what you have to do to maintain your sanity, you are wondering at the point of it all. So you are enjoying your weekend, so that what? You can go in refreshed/recharged on Monday? Why is it that you wake up on Monday no more refreshed than you were last week Thursday, and on and so forth. You are tired of wondering who you are in absence of societal and biological titles, and wonder what your passion is. What do you imagine those who know you would say of you, and what do you think your eulogy will read? What makes you most proud on your list? What of this is the one thing that can be attributed to you, and only you? Is it okay that you do not know?
You are reading this, and you read a lot of other things too. You have your opinions on what you read and you have views that you have not or do not share with the rest of the world. The reason for this is that these are views that you hold very dear to your heart. You believe that you know exactly what your direct sphere of influence (family, friends, colleagues etc) would say about your views, and you already feel your blood boil in anticipation of what your response would be. What you do not share or is known to very trusted individuals is what your ideal world would constitute. World is where you are, what you live in and hence your reality. In your ideal world, you would have waited to get married, gone ahead with the opportunity to open a business, left the country when it was offered, agreed to invest in an idea before it exploded beyond your dreams etc. Your ideal world is based on what you know now (current reality), what your options were then (missed chances, ignored gut feelings) and what your future looks like, determined by the last two points. The combination of these three points is called, “It Is Called Life”. This is the one sentence that has worked to propel you toward your goals set in your current reality that are in direct contradiction to your ideal world, and culminate in action that reinforces the bleakness of your situation.
For example, you work during regular business hours for a corporation that values its employees, yet you are only as valuable as your status in the payroll system and what you present in exchange. You have a deep need to go into business for yourself because you realize that you are not happy working for someone/thing. You have great business ideas and an imagination that catapults your mind to instant stardom (gratification). Your plan is to stay employed, save money to leave, or start your business part-time. You are aware of the difficulties and shelf life of a business in its first and consequent five years, because you have read and/or talked about this with your trusted ones. You have also bounced ideas off around your sphere of influence without letting on that this is truly what you desire for yourself. The business start-up is as hard as you imagined it to be. There are more stop signs than green lights and alongside anyone else observing and critiquing you, you find yourself giving into negative thoughts and actions propelled by panic. Before you lose much more than you already have, you abandon the whole idea. You may also do the contrary, and stick to the failing business, dragging all the people around you to your monetary grave as you refuse to give up on this concept. You may not even get to the point of starting your own business, already thinking the above and imagining how this may not work. The end result in both instances however, is the bleak reality and reinforcement of the thought, It is called life,
A second example is in wanting to move into a desirable position within current employment, a position that you believe will make you happier and more fulfilled. It could be becoming a permanent employee as opposed to a temp, going up the next step in the ladder, or seeking a lateral move into a different department. The more you research these opportunities within the organization, the more inclined you are to wanting the position. Should you get this position, you find that within a short period of time that you are seeking the next level in position, or a different challenge altogether, hence lateral move. You could also find that you are not getting your desired position, and this is frustrating you to no end, so much so that you begin to resent your work and dread going in at all. The end result in both instances again, is the bleak reality and thought, “It is called life, deal with it“. Well, you are trying your best to deal with it and have found things to do that make you happy. You look forward to these things because they serve to instill joy in your heart. You have created a system that works for your life, in order to survive it as best you can. Survival mode employs autopilot maneuvers, hence the feeling that you are watching your life pass you by, you are a spectator in your own race. You are also getting tired of complaining about your existence because your complaining seems pointless, nothing is changing and even though you are trying very hard to change your reality for the better, enjoyment seems to be short lived and/or worse things tend to happen immediately after, that serve to remind you of your lofty goals and their ill placement in your reality called life.
It has been previously mentioned that you read a lot of different material. You have attempted to apply different philosophies that you feel kindred to, and have your collection of WebPages, books, paraphernalia amongst others of attempts to change your life. These all served you well for a time but, period after the but. For one reason or another, things just do not seem to go well and even though you are positively living your life to the best of your knowledge, you are aware that something is missing, it is not enough, and you are ready for the next thing, whatever that may be, if you do not already know. The problem with knowing is what to do to execute it, and with not knowing, is how to find out what it is you are supposed to be doing. You may be good at a lot of things and nothing in particular at the same time. This means that you are a good employee and/or student however; the same can be said with any task that you are supplied to complete. You may have good people skills however do not necessarily envision yourself speaking with people on a daily basis. You may know how to operate and manipulate numbers but have no desire to work in a “numbers” industry. You only work in these jobs because that is what you do well. It is however not what you want to do, you just do it because you do it well, hence logical sense. Logical sense is not congruent with our ideal worlds and for those seeking to find a way to amalgamate the two, only too well play out the criticisms and judgments of loved ones to such lofty ideas. What then is one to do with the nagging and/or deadening feelings inside? How many “me” times can one buy and/or pursue without rendering one physically, emotionally and/or financially bankrupt? The italicized sentence in the previous paragraph was: have found things to do that make you happy. These things that you have found cost time/money and/or effort. They are things that you found (hence searched, hence solution) to do (acquire, purchase) to make (end result with defined expectations) you happy (silence the internal gnawing). They serve a function until they either need to be cemented (to remain, as in habit) or replaced (new vice).
What has been mentioned up until now are things that you are already aware of. The importance in repeating these things is in the self-awareness that needs to be created and amplified so that for the last time, you may open the door to recreating your reality, and fully walk in. Recognizing what you would like to change or not knowing what to change is the one thing that you are sure of. If you know that something needs to be changed but do not know what, then think of what you tell (or not) your peers on a regular basis about them that you do not like. Think of the things that you state you cannot stand about people and recognize that these are the things that shape your current reality. You have been with me so far up until this point. You need to stop analyzing these words and perhaps start writing down the points that have just been mentioned. Think of the things that you cannot stand in other people, especially those within your closest circle, and understand that these are the things that shape your current reality. The perceptions and views around you and your direct sphere of influence determine what you are allowed to think, say and/or do.
Your actions are interpreted by those around you including yourself, and you receive regular feedback on your decisions and actions whether you request this or not. If a position opens up in the company, it is not uncommon for your peers to ask whether you have applied for it. You are unable to tell them that you have no interest in the position without positing a reason that logically stands. Why would you not want the next position up in the company and especially as you are qualified for it? If you are planning to leave your marriage, you may find that you are reserving the news for a while under any pretext that will do, when the truth is that you may not be emotionally up for the tirade of opinions that will follow, and/or the explanations required on what seemed to be the “perfect” marriage. You may be ready to quit your job today, but are unable to mention this to your direct sphere of influence, because you know exactly what they will say and/or think of your decision. You are only as comfortable in your world as other people let their comfort level in their world be.
For example, a row of houses comfortable in its peaceful environment will only begin to stir should a neighbor decide to upgrade an external element to the property. By doing this, cracks in the neighborhood begin to be revealed, such as the actual need to replace shingles, replace or paint doors, redo the driveways, or landscape. Things appear complete and good for as long as all parties involved are on the same page. You will however, observe your neighbor’s lawn and think that s/he really needs to replace the doors and repaint the front deck while at it, or decide that a neighbor is the reason neighborhood property values are low, based on the ridiculous and senseless addition to the main house. The truth is there is a neighbor or two observing something about your house that is utterly displeasing. These are things that everyone puts up with over the years as it does not really affect anything of major importance to the neighborhood. The system still works and one does not fix what is not broken. This is what is inferred by the statement: Think of the things that you cannot stand in other people, especially those within your closest circle, and understand that these are the things that shape your current reality.
You have your list of things you despise in your direct sphere of influence. Think of the things that generally displease you (pet peeves if you will). I will take this a notch further. Think of the things that people repeatedly tell you about you and/or your family or state of being, both negative and positive. Include both negative and positive aspects that you recognize in yourself and your state of being (family, friends and colleagues). If you have previously succeeded in joking or deflecting your way out of serious or “deep” conversations, this will be your greatest hindrance today. We are talking about changing your thought pattern and consequent actions, and these cannot be materially accomplished with a hope to cement the habit within twenty-one days. Admit that you may not be fully ready for the change and work on mentally preparing yourself for another time in your life when you are really ready to fully open the door and walk right in. If this is not the case, be as blunt and honest with yourself, without submitting to self-defeating thoughts that have no place in the discussion. There is a difference between “unable to keep a job” and “loser”. The latter statement offers little to no opportunity for learning or growth. The same goes for derisive vague statements such as “terrible mother”. Once more, such statements are self-defeating and have no place in the discussion. You will need to think of every facet of your life in order to complete this list, understanding that ego has no place in its creation. If an individual approached you with your completed list as his/her attributes and asked whether s/he could run your corporation (your mind, body and soul), what would your response be? If your answer is affirmative that you would allow the individual to run your corporation, why did you complete a list to begin with? Was it just enough that I told you to?
The compiled qualities do not function as permission to assign blame on the people around us for our reality. The function is to accept that we are seriously flawed in thinking that we had nothing to do with creating and perpetuating our realities. Regardless of what happens in our lives, we always have the power to decide what our reaction will be. We are all fully equipped with the opportunity to change our realities as soon as we state that we do. We are unable to do this however, for as long as we refuse to recognize our roles in sabotaging our current lives and future. This begins with an honest review of the qualities we believe we despise in other people as they are inherent in us. We may not like aggressive people; however, behaving in passive-aggressive ways constitutes the “same difference”. We may not be keen on whiners; however, by ceaselessly complaining about them, we reveal our true character. We may be attracted to a go-getter attitude and not be aware that we are perceived as pushy and impatient to a fault. We may state that we are control freaks without realizing that this is actually the reason why we are unmarried and/or have a few and of the same temperament in friends. These qualities are derived and maintained by the ego, and serve to define and protect us as we go along life. They are however, the reasons why our realities will never change. Base behaviors need to be changed for any new thoughts to take root. Admitting we are flawed and in serious need for help is the first step. It is officially stating that we need to step down as CEOs of our own companies for the good of the company, and allow a more competent and experienced Being to control and redirect our path. We need to step down, for we will attempt to repair our situation utilizing the same ego that has failed to produce results in the past.
Letting go is the hardest part. All that you have known is about to be stripped, redefined and/or replaced. It is the same as handing over a blunt knife (spirit) to the knife-sharpener (God) and asking for the tool to be made useful again. The blunt knife is pitted against a monster tool more than a million times its size, with ferocious edge and intensity, and after what would seem like forever to the tool, emerge as a finely sharpened tool ready to be of beneficial use. This is what you would be doing. You would be stepping down and letting that which Created you step in. If you are not spiritual, it would be stepping down and allowing the Universe that does exist and function on its own code, step in. It would be letting go of your pride and “ability to reason” and allowing your heart to dictate to you. If this sounds ridiculous to you, think about how successful you have been thus far in turning your life around. You have nothing to lose at this point. You can only hope that this will work. It will only work if you are ready to turn all your positive and negative attributes inward for some very hard work. You need to let go. You are not in control and if you were, would not be sitting staring at these words, or searching for a way to improve your current situation. You have been there before, looking for and reading all sorts of materials for clarity. It only worked for a time. This will work if you let go, write a pact to never attempt to take reign again, and trust that what your heart tells you is enough.
Anyway you cut it, and whatever your feelings are toward a higher being, you will need to address the real reason for the disdain with yourself. This means forgetting what you read or how you were brought up, but actually making peace with your life experiences and what you determine God to have been within that time. By letting go (ego), you are telling your heart (spirit) that you will listen and trust it to show you all the parts that are missing in your existence, no matter how ridiculous the direction will sound to you. Remember, your current reality has been shaped by the things and people around you, and this has been as a result of different factors. Understand that your destiny may have little or nothing to do with where you are right now or who you associate with. You need to trust that any relationships you lose, any relationships that you gain, any opportunities that you seize, are not coincidences. You will also find that wherever you are being led, will be strangely familiar or known to you. It will be “that long forgotten high school dream”, the “game we played as children all the time”, or “that thing I did really well but did not think much of”. If you are committed to this, you will find that you have no desire to operate from ego, you are naturally optimistic in spite of challenges (by virtue of being alive hardship will come), are drawn (back) to humanity and the spiritual, attract like minded individuals and income sources. If you are committed to this, you will find that not even the sky is a limit, and every single day is an Amazing experience unto itself.